Dear Gail:
Briefly I want to point out a subtle current going on in this country. The individual doesn't count anymore. Take for example the business tactics: the executives and the employees exist for the good of the business and as individuals they simply don't count — this is true of society as a whole. If the individual cannot exist for the good of society he is therefore a beatnik, a square peg, an outcast to society.
If this be the thesis of our society it is also the thesis of Soviet Communism. There is hardly a hair between western society and communistic society. There is hardly an existing hair's breadth between Catholicism and communism, or Brahmanism, nor true Buddhism, nor any European society as it exists today — and this includes the dictators. There is the same overdriving of the individual to get the utmost efficiency out of him for the benefit of the firm, the state, society, government, or whatever you choose to call it, the same instantly ruthless discarding of him the moment he begins to weaken, the same contempt for the individual as a person, and reward and admiration of him only as a tool of some vague purpose which in our country seems to be the making of a lot of money for big corporations and their stockholders, in Russia for the protection of their state; and in society there are those same false values which apparently everybody wants for prestige and honors. In the church it appears to be the need of trying for a reward in the hereafter — whatever it is — the result is a reward until one gets too old to struggle for the reward.
So you see the basic philosophy underlying big business, the communist state, our existing society, here and elsewhere — in fact the whole civilization — is exactly the same. In an oligarchic society when you slip a little you get shot or sent to a forced prison camp. In our society (Western) your resignation is asked for, or else you are forced to give it without being asked through humiliation beyond endurance. The church flips you in with a guilt burden which is beyond any conception.
What I am trying to say here is this : Individualism is gone! One is no longer able to be free for pressures are put upon him constantly to be something else, not himself! In our department store society we are given everything on an assembly line, or a supermarket style. It reminds me of what a priest said about his own people and church. Church, according to him, was now like a supermarket — the members could come on Sunday, and while mass was going on, confess, listen to the sermon, take part in the mass, and get communion, within 45 minutes. True, but so is all life today — listen to any normal person talk and his talk has no sense to it, rambling, no ideas of depth, superficial, and boastful! Everything is generally what he has read and then it was digested, if at all, carelessly!
My basic idea for this letter now comes into focus. First, I want to discuss that type of person who is labeled the People Pleaser. Secondly, I will discuss the type of person known as the Fear Merchant. I gave you the background against which these basic types work as a pattern. But what has this got to do with spiritual or occult study?
I am giving you yardsticks by which to go in the judgment of people whose attitudes you meet in daily life; the doctor, priest, lawyer, student, teacher, bus driver, etc. Their profession means nothing, it is how they meet life, and this will be your own success with the spiritual life; by looking at others and determining their methods in meeting problems you can either avoid or learn for yourself. This is actually the quality of discrimination within yourself – and frankly, this leads to non – attachment.
People pleasers are those who feel they must at all times please others while they themselves observe no boundaries and have no balance. This is the Dale Carnegie type, the salesman, the merchant, the type of person who is emotionally maladjusted so badly that he must give his all to serve the public. There is a difference in doing things to serve the public and trying to please the public. Usually a People Pleaser is one who is loaded with fear of (1) losing his job, (2) of hurting other people's feelings, (3) of trying too hard, and usually ending up getting hurt himself, (4) of being too shy and timid to actually say what he thinks. Any person can speak his mind, with force, if the occasion justifies it, and yet not hurt other's feelings, but cause a respect for himself for saying it. In fact, I've seen professional people have such little confidence in themselves that they would whisper the charge for their service rather than speak up confidently and forthrightly. I had a doctor who was of this nature — and my respect for him diminished so swiftly i dropped him, for he kept me on the edge with his effeminate mannerisms and i was constantly on the defense to please him.
A People Pleaser is not a happy person, because he can't speak his mind without feeling that he is going to hurt someone's feelings, and have anger thrown at him. In fact he is a very common type in our society, and he constantly edges around the crowd so that he can be a part of it, yet he wants to stand outside so he won't be stepping on toes.
The Fear Merchant is that sort of person who wants to control you by playing upon your nerves and fears. So many of our people in this society have been conditioned to either listen to their mothers, who were Fear Merchants warning junior what would happen if he disobeyed mother, or grown aggressive in the fact that almost everything mother said proved to be false. But a Fear Merchant is one who is constantly telling you what is good for you, and if you fail to do what he wants, dire results are going to happen. Common results they predict are: losing your job, losing friends, losing your money, losing prestige, losing out in the race of life, going to hell, creating the big sin, being destitute and broke, finding troubles, ending up in jail, getting with child, trouble with police, and all sorts of little goodies.
Their homilies are similar to B. Branklin's, "Early to bed and early to rise makes one healthy, wealthy and wise." They love to give sermons on the negative side of life, warnings, predictions, and threats, even making their point with anecdotes of what happened to their friends who didn't take their advice! According to their philosophy hardly anything you do is right — but they have the right answer, right religion, right advice, right work. One of their favorite expressions is: "I know that I'm just a poor, uneducated sort of person, but what you are doing isn't right!" This false humility is for the birds! It's a lever to throw you! There is also the direct, aggressive type who won't hesitate to tell you that they are the world's best and that you are inferior, so do it their way!
Remember, a Fear Merchant, as well as a People Pleaser is an angry person. Neither have self-confidence or they wouldn't be using this sort of behavior. It is actually a herd instinct or behavior pattern. But compare this with those persons whose behavior is opposite — who are not (1) A People Pleaser, and (2) A Fear Merchant! Those who will help if asked, give advice only from their experience — and grant you beingness or psychic space. Both types 1 and 2 are those who crowd your psychic space — and now you should be able to manage them, or avoid completely.
More Later.
Paul
From the book, Letters to Gail Vol.2 © 1981 Eckankar – Sri Paul Twitchell
Edited by Matt Sharpe
One Distinction
There is a HUGE difference between a Fear Monger, and one who tells or predicts actual, terrible truths, do NOT confuse the two! A quote by Hazrat Inayat Khan about sincerity and truth displays my meaning quite well :
Sincerity is the jewel that forms in the shell of the heart.