Submitted by Eleven on
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So, how well known are you? So often this is the question used by many to determine a person’s worth but it is simply the wrong question. The reason, though apparent, can so easily be overlooked. It’s a question that seems to suggest our popularity, how well we’re liked, how many friends we have are the basis for our worth, clearly an illusionary barometer for determining the value of ones life. What I’d like for us to consider today is another question, one that when understood and pursued will yield significant and lasting value to our life. The question is, “are you known well?” I’ve had the privilege of spending the last eleven years engaging many guys in meaningful conversation about their life in generalities as well as the granular specifics of their life. Throughout the years each conversation has expressed unique stories but there have been a few resounding themes that have echoed over and over again. One such theme is this…many men are well known but few men are known well. Let’s consider this paradoxical reality. Just think of the energy it takes to be well known or better said to keep up the image that you want others to think you are or even perhaps the person you think they need you to be. I’ve come to learn that most men spend their life’s energy on who they’re not, living with the ever present fear of being found out. Just think of the angst and anxiety that comes from what is in effect perpetuating a lie (we’re not who we project ourselves to be) and living with the constant fear of being “found out.” This is tantamount to living our life as an imposter or living life “behind the mask.” And when we think about living behind the mask or being someone we’re not we must realize, as a friend of mine says, “If you live your life behind a mask only the mask get’s loved.” Take a moment and think about the implications of all of this. To the degree that we’re only being loved at the mask or surface level it suggests we’ll never know the immeasurable value that comes from being in authentic relationship. It also suggests that we’re more than likely to allow ourselves to only love others at the surface level. And we haven’t even talked about the generational implications of continuing along this path. But oh, to be known well. This is a place of safety, a place of transparency, a place of comfort, a place of rest that will allow each of us the opportunity to be authentically loved so as to be free to become the very person we were designed to be. No more imitations…just the real deal. How different might our lives look if we made it a passion to be known well and to know others well? Could it be that we might just get re-energized about life? Peace.
John Thurman
https://jonthurman.com/2011/03/24/asking-the-right-question/