Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

God makes all kinds of different people, to do to all kinds of different things.  If He didn’t, we would all be bored to distraction.

Some people are social by nature, the life of the party (look at me!). We want to BE them! Some people like to have fun and poke at life’s serious edges. Most times they annoy and we want to hit them. Then, there are some people so serious, you'd think they lived in a cemetery. Too much seriousness can lead to stress, and excess stress can lead to health problems, and health problems can lead to death, and death usually leads to the cemetery. That just sucks eggs.

Me? I’m a bit of a social poker … I even have the spiritual and physical battle scars that have been leveled at me by others to prove it. That having been said, allow me to address the fine old tradition of New Year’s Eve resolutions. “Resolution” – the word even sounds ugly.

Historic Background: We all know by now that New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar. It has been a conspiracy … like 4-ev-a! New Year’s Eve resolutions were created by the multi-effort of the alliance of religious leaders, psychologists, several nationwide gym chains and of course the Illuminati. The main control factor here?… GUILT. And don’t we all just love guilt? What would we do without it? What’s that you say? I’m lying? So what? It is still a secular tradition dating all the way back to the Babylonians that is guilt based. Get a sense of humor will ya? Geesh.

I think perhaps it is time for change. Perhaps it is time to chop off those gossamer threads that hold us fast to those “resolutions” we make and never have the follow through to finish thus creating more guilt and more miles on the treadmill. I say it is time for anarchy! I say it is time for ABSOLUTIONS!

I’ll go first. Here is my NYE Absolution list. Yes, I have been saved …

I will stop hanging out with people who have made New Year’s resolutions and ask me about my New Year’s resolutions. They’re all hypocrites anyway.

I will not try to change myself – I will BE myself.

I will try to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

NYE is not the life-changing event people think it is so I will let people know if their lives sucked last year, they’re probably still going to suck tomorrow and the next day.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO!" I might reply “STFU.”

I will try to figure out why I "really" need 5 Facebook accounts and why I even have an X account.

I will stop exercising. Waste of time besides too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.

I will procrastinate more simply because it is annoying to others. They just need to slow down anyway, right?

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant (probably invest heavily in Lume).

Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials.

I will find new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2024.

I will spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year. (so I lied).

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).

I will eat more nice things like candy, Burger King and Wendy's, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.

I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.

FINALLY …

There have been many times in 2023, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you....today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2024!

Happy New Year!

Holmes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ~ Mark Twain