Submitted by mano y mano on
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Ah, social media. The double edged sword of engagement and disconnection. In this medium, we engage with people from our past and present - often very different types of associations and relationships. It can make for a crazily spiced melting pot of friends and acquaintances. Some we love, some we like, some we tolerate and some are like nails on a chalkboard. We may like someone in general, but not be a big fan of their Facebook posts. We all know this one well.
So what do we do? Well, in extreme cases - or maybe not so extreme for some - an Unfriending must be executed. But for those of us that try to be a bit more subtle, we simply Unfollow the shenanigans of the perpetrator. I have done this a number of times as I'm sure others have. Maybe a friend wears on your patience like the tides wearing away a beach over time. Other times there is a storm - either by sudden realization that your life is better not having to read, "listen" or watch what someone has to say - or just a final straw that rubs you like sandpaper. In some cases, it is just a general lack of reciprocation that will no longer be tolerated. Whatever the offense, whether personal affront, political or opinionated spewing, emotional reactions, negative or angry tirades or just too many damn cutesy kid or dog pictures. Whatever it is, you need to say "Get out of my space!" and banish them to a social media Siberian outpost.
"OK, whew, glad that's over with," you might be thinking. Well, not so fast. That other person may notice at some point that you have not engaged with them for quite some time. (The months can stack up quickly) They may even suspect that you've Unfollowed them. So if you don't care what that person thinks and are content to keep them at arm's length, then you are good to go. But, if you still care about having a social relationship with this person and don't want to be seen as rudely disengaged, what do you do? I've considered this question a number of times. What I finally came up with is a healthy solution to this problem, I believe.
As the Jewish high holiday of Yom Kippur passed a few months ago, I had a thought. Having grown up Jewish, Yom Kippur or Day of Atonement is the most serious of all Jewish holidays. It"s about clearing the slate after the New Year, forgiving others, making amends and moving on with your life - unburdened by past transgressions and past resentments. So as I was contemplating this, I thought "What if I cleared the slate in all of my social media relationships to the best of my ability?"
Since Facebook is one of my primary social interfaces, I decided to employ a Facebook Forgiveness policy for healing and peace for myself and others. So I went back into my account and re-followed all of those whom I had Unfollowed in the past. Much to my dismay, there were a few that I had Unfollowed by accident who I DID want to connect with, but didn't, because I hadn't seen their feed... in years. Oops. Good thing I checked.
Anyway, I decided to "pardon" all previous Unfollows, granting amnesty to all my Facebook friend refugees. I gave them all a clean slate with which to work and express themselves. Because to be fair, we all go through phases, some political or opinion spewing, emotional reactions, negative or angry tirades or just too many damn cutesy kid or dog pictures. We all deserve more love not less. Am I right?
It felt good to refresh and update my social connections and to avoid living in the past. I did, however, come up with two rules for Operation Facebook Forgiveness.
1) If, in my view, someone gave me cause to reconsider my re-following, I would be willing to Unfollow again if necessary - depending on the circumstances. Each person gets a fresh set of downs but not an unlimited carte blanche to do or say anything. Again not judging by the past but the present.
And...
2) If after having approached my Facebook friends with equanimity, it still pisses me off just to think of them or look at their stupid face, well then it's game over. I am willing to make a courageous act and sever ties and Unfriend them. Probably doing both of us a favor in the long run.
So if you feel so inclined to join me in my Facebook Forgiveness quest, I hope it gives you enhanced peace of mind and flourishing friendships for many years to come.