Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Self-Reliance means respecting our own experiences, ideas, and traits.

The best of those things.

It’s not an excuse to be lazy, immoral, confrontational, distant, or an asshole in general.

It’s not an excuse to mock the ideals of others, be narcissistic, or hurt others in any way.

Sartre recognized that “Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

Notice the word “condemned” — the freedom self-reliance offers isn’t fatalistic or nihilistic. It means taking on more responsibility, just a higher grade responsibility than we’re usually saddled with.

Self-reliance is a call to be true to yourself in the most important way possible.

To try and use it as a way to justify the worst parts of yourself is a terrible mistake.

Self-reliance is associated with 100% bootstrapping your life.

But the notion that we’ve got to do it all on our own is absurd. We’d all die as infants if it weren’t for the extreme generosity of our parents.

There’s no such thing as a purely self-made man. Every day we benefit from thousands of years of collective human ingenuity.

There aren’t many things of significance you can build entirely with your own two hands. You need others. After all, Thoreau’s Walden Pond was owned by Emerson.

The rest of these “is not’s” follow from this premise.

Self-reliance is not about elevating ourselves over everything else, believing we’re an entirely self-sufficient, all-powerful island. Rather, it’s about heightening our connection to powers greater than ourselves.

A lot of the ideas and excerpts of Self-Reliance may be misunderstood if read through a narcissistic lens, in which you possess everything you need to be successful on your own. But true self-reliance is, in practice, obedience to something bigger (this can be religious or not — we’re talking about things unexplainable or unmeasurable to us). Self-trust is also trust in the Big Other:

“As soon as the man is at one with God, he will not beg. He will then see prayer in all action. The prayer of the farmer kneeling in his field to weed it, the prayer of the rower kneeling with the stroke of his oar, are true prayers heard throughout nature, though for cheap ends. Caratach, in Fletcher’s Bonduca, when admonished to inquire the mind of the god Audate, replies,

‘His hidden meaning lies in our endeavors;
Our valors are our best gods.’”

People throughout history have been amazed by the power of self-trusting action. It is worth a leap of faith to see just what they were talking about. “One is really only alive when one enjoys the good will of others.” –Goethe

Self-reliance doesn’t mean the selfish refusal to sacrifice oneself. Rather, it means that we know our duties and passions in life and give ourselves totally to pursuing them to the point that we don’t consider the energy and resources spent to be sacrifices.

Self-reliance is about being true to ourselves. The surprise is that this means allowing one’s “self” to disappear more often.

Self-reliance means that you’re not too caught up in odds. Maybe 90% of the people who try the thing you’re trying fail at it.

When we deny ourselves we begin to mutate into something disgusting. Like a geisha’s foot broken and bound, our spirits become contorted and confused. We lose power each time we “break” ourselves for other people.

Self-reliance means refusing to let your soul wither away because those around you have a different idea of what you should be like. It means finding those whose wants are your wants. Finding space to live by your nature.

Of course self-reliance is not about feeding the worst parts of ourselves. The lazy, stagnant urges that would lead to the decay of our bodies and souls. Self-reliance is about overcoming and exertion of the will. This isn’t about a trainer telling you to do a pushup and you refusing because it’s “not your nature.” It’s about resisting boring bestsellers to follow your own interests. Or bravely defending an unpopular opinion you believe to be true, but for which others judge you.

It’s about listening to the little voice within us with an idea  — not the one that tells you to fall in line.

There’s no better You to be.

There’s only the opportunity to develop a more perfect trust in yourself.

Kyle Enschenroeder - Excerpts from https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/finding-true-north-guide-self-reliance/