WARNING: This blog is for mature audiences. Risque language.

It has been a long time observation of mine that … People are funny. They are just plain funny. This has started out as a month of seemingly ‘calling things out’ for me so I will continue on in a rather facetious vein knowing full well that that a few toes will be obliterated and a few egos shall tilt out past 100% on the self righteousness meter ... but what can I say? I have been inspired.

I have spent many years on spiritual forums/boards/sites watching ‘meta-trends’ come and go like soup du juor at the local eatery. Metaphysics being no different than any other “-osophy”  is subject to the latest media influences and life trends. In chatrooms,  I’ve sat through the ‘pompous war’ stage where folks were caught up in the continuous loop of trying to best one another regarding traditional concepts which they clearly did not understand. The Harmonic Concordance/Ascension stage where everyone was allegedly lifted up to God knows where (if you know drop me a line). And of course the 5d through 12d stage Quantum Kabbalah Gematria  Sacred Geometry stage. What? You don’t know what that is? Take heart, neither did any of the chatters. But it was a hot topic.

It is now quite chic to “chatter” not as yourself or God forbid even as the half way decent ‘spiritual’’ avatar you have chosen to represent yourself but rather as the chief high mucky muck grand hoo-ha 100% evolved and ascended defender of the Universe and general all around supreme indestructible never-ending  I AM GOD being (hope I did not leave anything out). I’ve sat in many a chatroom and watched folks start convos that for the most part started out fairly decent but then mutated into a completely different genre of blubbering ridiculousness. But hey, I like fun just as well as the next guy so I decided to jump in.

If I was to get along in chat, I gave much thought to what sort of a creature I should personify that fit such an illustrious criteria. I was living in an old apartment in NY – not the best accommodations - and  was fixing lunch when it occurred to me.  A nasty roach suddenly made its appearance but quickly scurried out of sight (hey, it was NY for cripes sake).  This triggered a response somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind where I remembered a reference to the Bible saying the “meek” shall inherit the Earth as applying to the cockroach. I believe what  I was remembering was an old science show about what would be left after the human race had blown itself up into oblivion. Yes people, after we humans blow it all up there will be nothing left but the roaches that will proliferate, gnaw on our remains and crap on whatever is left. Roaches were virtually indestructible. All right! That was it! Henceforth I was to adapt the traits and habits of a cockroach to my very own persona complete with an avatar of a roach with neon green laser eyes (strictly for the ‘garner respect’ factor).  

Now for a name. Something simple yet psychologically effective.  Let’s see --- scientific name Blattaria. Possible – folks might think it was some sort of alien form, “I am Blattaria from the planet Blato,” which could be very effective but perhaps that was not user friendly enough.  I could call myself just “Roach” but some might think I was referencing pot which again might be possible but hardly anything I cared to project at the time for fear of leading a convo into a drug induced dialog.  Perhaps Roachelasian which had a nice medieval flair reminiscent of Game of Thrones but still not what I was looking for.  Maybe a more spiritual connotation like Roachiji or Sri Roachondo. Still no good and most likely would be over the heads of the chat crowd. Oh, what would the boys in the local hood think? What would they say about a roach?

 Well, I asked … a neighbor who said, “Man da roach is one badass mutha f*cker BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ... it will f*ck you up BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ... annoying pieces of sh*t  BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP.”

So it was settled. My username would be DA Roach. Short for Damn Annoying Roach. Brilliant.

Now off to the chatroom.

I settled in and just waited knowing full well it wouldn’t take long to be noticed and hailed into the convo which as best as I recall in my very best George Carlin-ian (including misspells and grammatical errors) went something like this:

(Note: Names, except mine, have been somewhat changed to protect the innocent. No name used here implies the name of any actual user anywhere but does reflect a similarity.)

Lucifer Satana Magix: hey da roach r u from hell? stupid name

DA Roach: worse

Lucifer Satana Magix: what you mean? i rule hell and have slaves and demons and I created roaches

DA Roach: impressive, I have minions and reproduce eternally,  and sorry, but you did not create me

Lucifer Satana Magix: u r nothing but a bug I could destroy you easy

DA Roach: sure but I would just rejuvenate and come back

Lucifer Satana Magix: then what would u do? u cant do anything worth while

DA Roach:  I could bite off your head and sh*t it out and then start all over again (inserted smiley face)

Elusive Butterfly: I had a bad dream

DA Roach: that’s called a nightmare

Elusive Butterfly: yeah, why are you talking to me I was talking to lucifer

DA Roach: oh sorry, he might not be able to talk, I bit his head off

Lucifer Satana Magix: F*CK U MAN

DA Roach: no thanks

Elusive Butterfly: lucifer can kick your ass roach

DA Roach: he’s been telling me that but I bit his head off anyway

Lucifer Satana Magix: F*UCK U man I grew it back I grew back ten more heads

DA Roach: oh goodie more to bite off

Elusive Butterfly: shup roach

#ADMIN#: watch the language

Lucifer Satana Magix: F*ck u too (referencing admin)

#ADMIN#: once more and I will ban you from chat

Lucifer Satana Magix: bring what u got roach (ignores  #ADMIN#)

DA Roach: what part of what I’ve got are you referring to?  think you can spell it?

Lucifer Satana Magix: u cant beat me or win  i am infinity

DA Roach: that’s a bit egotistical

Elusive Butterfly: youre the one whos egotistical -  you act like you know it all

DA Roach: I do, I’ve been on the earth since it was created and before that I was on the planet Blato and before that I was around before time as you know it began

Elusive Butterfly: what’s that never heard of it Blato and what you say is dumb

DA Roach: of course not only the evolved know about it

Elusive Butterfly: shup throws - fireball at roach

DA Roach: not impressed

Lucifer Satana Magix: do u know who I am? I am ur worse nightmare

DA Roach: do I care?  to me you are  just a human – I eat humans for snacks

Elusive Butterfly: shup roach

DA Roach: you already said that

Lucifer Satana Magix: F*CK U Roach

ADMIN BANS Lucifer and warns DA Roach

Oh yeah – the meek shall indeed inherit the earth!

Mazel tov  Lucifer

Post  script: As I have seen over the years, trends like this come and go. I wait with baited breath to see the next one unfold. I still have hope for the intelligence of the human race and the integrity of chatrooms which eventually should transcend all this currently popular trite and promote the sharing of good knowledge. I figure the psychologists should have an office boon soon. Haven’t seen this many whacked out folks in quite a while.

… Unfortunately after a few more chat sessions I retired DA Roach but he’s waiting in the baseboard of my mind ready to crawl out at any time.

Thanks for reading folks! I’m going to talk to the neighbor …

Holmes