Submitted by I am I said on
Negative self-talk in the form of self-judgments, self-criticisms, and physical or emotional self-abuse (addictions, chronic worrying etc.) that cause you to feel worthless, weak, and incapable also make you feel ashamed, guilty, and fearful. Underneath all that inner conflict there is toxic self-hatred.
These examples of inner negativity are unnatural and unhealthy. Negativity is a learned behavior. It got conditioned into the subconscious mind as core beliefs by repeatedly being treated this way, or seeing your parents treating each other this way. By the way, to deny your own negativity means you’re projecting it to others.
Being negative is part of the human experience and it needs to be transcended in order to become a whole person. A whole person functions as a unit of soul, mind and body. Your Soul is the presence in you that is Self-aware and can pay attention.
Negativity isn’t bad; it is a primitive psychological defense mechanism triggered by core emotional needs that are not being satisfied. For example the need to be cared for, appreciated, respected, included, listened to, being emotionally held etc. Normally when people are being negative they are not aware that what is triggering them are internal struggles associated with feeling safe, feeling good and feeling connected.
Negativity helps define that which is positive, and the space of neutrality between positive and negative allows for peace and the resolution of inner conflicts maintained by false beliefs about ourselves.
Being negative means internal fragmentation, contracting into smaller parts divided by walls of fear that isolate parts of you. For example when you are afraid or angry you are not aware of other parts of you that are courageous, strong, and powerful.
Being positive means expanding and becoming whole. By connecting and integrating with your non-judgmental Soul, you can include the parts that are in need of nurturing attention. For example when you experience self-love, or self-forgiveness, it is your Soul that is being loving, and has the authority to release the guilt and shame associated with unforgiveness, revenge and need for punishment.
It is healthy and appropriate to experience a heart-felt regret when you recognize and own that you have made an error that resulted in hurting you or others. It is harmful to constantly attack yourself for mistakes that have already happened.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Negativity is a mental habit aimed at maintaining identification with low levels of fear and aggression, which is part of the survival instinct in the human personality-our psychological immune system. As long as we’re being negative we’re functioning in survival mode. You see, the brain is biased towards negativity so we know and remember what threatens us, what is painful and to prevent being abandoned, or rejected. Humans need to feel connected to feel safe.
In its quest to fulfill the need to feel safe, feel good and bond with others, the brain conditions the mind to worry, or become hostile. Your brain constantly looks for real or possible problems. Over time and depending on how we were raised at home and in our culture, we form beliefs that while they help us make sense of the world and our experience, they also shape our personality.
When you accept the beliefs that you’re not good enough (that you lack value), or that you don’t have what it takes to get what you need to succeed it in the world, or that you are not deserving of love, or that the world is dangerous, you are bound to live in fear and compensate for that by being “nice†or aggressively controlling and manipulating people by demanding to get your way.
An immature personality is weak, rigid, inflexible, mechanical and reactive because it is not grounded in present time and connected to something real. It is ruled by false beliefs that automatically interpret information based on past negative events. A mature personality has healed trauma from the past, it is open, allowing, transparent, and without secret agendas of control and manipulation. It is subject to its Soul’s presence and wisdom.
Summary: The human personality is a psychological defense mechanism that originally got conditioned to react with negativity in order to protect our innocence. Personalities get activated by unconscious memories of being vulnerable, which means being open and afraid of being hurt. Children feel threatened by the pain of not having what they need. The transformation of negativity is the transformation of our personality by healing emotional wounds and developing the skills to become what we need emotionally. This transformation requires self-awareness. Awareness expands the more you develop communion with your Soul.
Written by Osiris Montenegro