Submitted by Pranky the Elf on
Holiday greetings to one and all!
It’s long overdue for me to find a venue where I can opine about my story ... The Legend of Pranky the Elf. Sure there have been elves with that name before, even stories written about them but if the truth is to be known they were nothing but a bunch of goody-goodies and lightweights carrying out Santa’s directions. It’s time for the real story now …
It was about 1984 when Santa just plain old got fed up with reports of kids and adults who were acting out. The kids were getting just plain spoiled and the adults had the whole entitlement thing going on. Santa called all the elves into a special meeting and stated that he needed an agent to work on a special assignment during the two weeks before Christmas. He said the old “coal in the stocking” OR “you better watch out” for the naughty had been reduced to a useless even laughable threat so he needed to do something that really got attention.
He decided that an undercover team would be needed to carry out his plans. This team was to be headed by one elf who would assume the name Pranky. As I was his oldest elf and closet ally he chose me and my name was instantly changed from Woodrow to Pranky.
Santa’s plan included a general warning that he would have whispered in the ears of those in question by the Sandman while they were sleeping that going forward, any person young or old who did not have true love and honest generosity for his fellow man and just expected things to go their way would have a present disappear each night until the attitude was corrected. Most people had their shopping done at least two weeks before Christmas but even those who were last minute shoppers were not exempt – they could expect a miserable time trying to shop with nothing or little to show for it. Putting cash in cards was not acceptable either. It was big fun making the money disappear from sealed envelopes.
So our reconnaissance team was equipped with special gear – high tech for the time, and we began checking out what we called the “full pant” humans. I can tell you some of these people were real winners – miserable to the hilt. The Sandman was sent out to accomplish his gig based on the info we had given him and to be honest I don’t know what his message was but it did throw a good deal of the full panters on enough of a guilt trip that helped some of them step away from their greed and get into the proper spirit of things. But then there were the full panters who were such gas bags they were too obstinate to get it.
So off I went grabbing a present for every day they acted like proverbial nit-wits. I was and am much more nimble than the Grinch. Interestingly enough, most of these humans started fighting with one another and blaming each other for playing nasty tricks. I got quite a kick out of it. By the end of the first week they were all fit to be tied. Houses and garages were turned upside down. People became testy. Kids whined and threw tantrums. One couple even called out a paranormal team of investigators. I had the most fun with them leaving messages that they called EVPs. I called myself the Ghost of Greedy people and left phrases like, “Christmas Armageddon” and “Krampus loves you.” The investigators were very suspicious a joke was being played on them and it was but not by those silly humans. Other folks set up cameras where the presents were. That was fun too – I got pretty good at making presents look like they disappeared up chimneys or the pièce de résistance – down a toilet. They could never figure it out and they could never catch me. It was totally unnerving.
The kids ended up being most attuned to the message and the team could often hear them insisting to the adults that it was Pranky the Elf. The kids also cleaned up their acts much quicker than the adults. Once their presents started to return they grudgingly caught on. One kid even started a Pranky the Elf Fan Club. He got an extra present that year no one could explain.
For the most part the whole thing was a success … BUT make no mistake – I still have the job so clean up your act because now I have noticed you. Trust me, you don’t want the aggravation.
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