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     Marriage for chelas in Eckankar is generally much the same as it is for those of any other religion, or even non-religious folk. Marriage itself is filled with challenges for anyone, and no religion could ever change that, nor solve the reasons that such problems develop. But a fair degree of common sense and a willingness to look beyond one's own desires, moods, and emotional states can do much to prevent many things. Of course, that won't necessarily prevent the spouse from having such a fine-tuned self-control or experience to be able to always control their own states. And so it goes, back and forth between two people. This is common and is often experienced around the globe in any marriage.

    For those in Eckankar however, the spiritual path is uniquely able to throw a sort of curve ball into the usual mix of factors. The working through and out of the two karmic states is enough to write a book about and is constantly at work in an ECK marriage, always bringing things unexpected into play and into the attention of both. Many times, these things are less than pleasant to deal with, but they work through until either the couple splits up, or they work through everything and find a degree of balance that works for them to continue. Karma inevitably strengthens both people as well as working to smooth out the rough edges on the personalities of both. This helps to develop each into new states that can be more pleasant and agreeable, but this requires work as nothing worthwhile is ever arrived at quickly or easily.

    The way that the two define their love is a thing that might at times cause a bit of conflict, but the fact that no one's understanding of love is ever truly complete indicates that both undoubtedly will need to do even more work in regard to their misunderstanding of love, and their developing understanding of what love truly is, and isn't. Few understand its Divine nature or that it emanates directly from Sugmad at the highest level of creation into all of the planes from the Godhead until this Divine Love can arrive into each Soul before working ITS way into the lower planes within duality all the way to the human consciousness. It is there that it can begin to unfold a human's understanding and begin to raise it up through the emotional (Astral) and mental (Causal, Mental and Etheric) states because sometimes things work down from the higher planes, but then they also need to work back upward within the human to lift them into the higher states. This is how spiritual unfoldment occurs here on Earth. And that process invariably expands the human individual's way of defining and understanding what love is.

    The process does not always work in that way, but generally that description is adequate even if some find it a rather unexpected viewpoint. An ECKist needs to have a pliable way of looking at things and understanding them, because the process of spiritual learning and unfoldment is ever changing and developing into areas it didn't seem to fit easily into before. Change is common for everyone, but especially for the ECKist, so obviously this will always be found in any marriage between one ECKist and one of some other religion, as well as those between two ECKists. Therefore the pliable attitude and way of understanding and looking at things can be helpful. The adaptability is a good thing since changes happen so often and in so many ways.  

    All these changes as well as the multiple ways that karma can burn off between two people accentuates the importance of love existing between them, and that it can also continue to deepen and develop throughout all of the changes that will happen. This suggests the various terms that are forms of love but that may not be obvious to everyone. I'll begin with a Sufi quote that mentions several and I'll add more to it myself. This quote and the commentary that goes with it are said by Hazrat Inayat Khan,

   "Love is unlimited, but it needs scope to expand and rise; without that scope, life is unhappy." 1   Commentary: "Every kind of power lies in this one thing which we call by the simple name: love. Charity, generosity, kindness, affection, endurance, tolerance, and patience -- all these words are different aspects of one; they are different names of only one thing: love. Whether it is said, 'God is love,' or whatever name is given to it, all the names are the names of God; and yet every form of love, every name for love, has its own peculiar scope, has a peculiarity of its own. Love as kindness is one thing, love as tolerance is another, love as generosity is another, love as patience another; and yet from beginning to end it is just love. ... True love must have free flow; and to learn that free flow the teachers have taught us first to love from the limited, and thence to advance in love till we attain to the love of God, the Unlimited." 2

    I personally would add more words to the list he uses above, humility, gratitude, understanding, forgiveness, and detachment among them though these hardly complete the list. In fact, this brings to mind another spiritual exercise a married couple might try doing together, that being to simply sit quietly with eyes closed and relaxing while trying to find other words that we use daily but that are actually expressions of love. Such an exercise might not propel you deeply into the spiritual planes (or it might, who knows?) but it may help the two develop a deeper understanding of the encompassing nature of Divine Love and ways that It can work into our lives though we may be unaware of it at times. Simply contemplating things like this can work to deepen the individual experience with God, and thereby deepen the emotional and mental understandings so as to take one beyond those and into the non-dual worlds of being where love is the mainstay of existence. This is a thing that can be very important in a marriage, but that can also lead a couple into greater areas of love whose existence hadn't been realized before. Thus is the literal expansion of consciousness.

    In Eckankar, as consciousness expands ever more deeply and further inward and outward, one comes to the times of initiation. This time has a number of different circumstances that can come to bear on a married couple in varying ways. If only one of the two are an ECKist, there can be trouble in the difference of opinion that can happen over time. If the one that isn't an ECKist is strongly against the teachings, there could be trouble over the choice of religion. A new chela might need to consider whether or not they want to remain a student as they approach the time of the second initiation. That even brings a speed up in the burning of karma that can show up in between the couple. Karma can bring negative feelings and opinions to the forefront. This isn't always the case, but some just react negatively as the inner spiritual forces begin working more directly and in a stronger current through the one who is to be intiated. That is why it needs to be thought out before taking the initiation.

    If both spouses are ECKists, and one is behind the other who is about to receive the seconf initiation upon their completion of two years of study, Eckankar will initiate both to the second degree if they choose to do that so as to keep their spiritual development sort of evenly matched so to speak. This is one way of dealing with the karmic speed up that occurs. The couple themselves need to discuss this and think through all of it before deciding to ask to take it together, and they must already be married at the time. If they have young children, the children can also take the second initiation with the parents. Depending on the age of the child, parents may want to wait until he or she is old enough to understand that the secret word can never be spoken aloud in front of others or written down. This is an option that many may not realize exists.3

    There are many things that should be done, as well as many that should not be done, regardless of religion, that help the harmoniousness of a marriage or cause it to suffer without harmony. Many of these also happen to fall in line with Eckankar's list of 5 passions of the mind and its five virtues. The passions are vanity, lust, anger, greed and attachment. Their opposites are the five virtues, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment, right discrimination, unattachment (detachment), and humility.4 Many of the virtues are the same words for love that I mentioned before. This is no accident. The Law of Love reigns supreme both in Eckankar and in a marriage. Let it do so.

    Any marriage that can keep attention on these factors, both the good and the bad so as to remain attentive and watchful for them, can do themselves a great deal of good at nipping what might become problems in the but at their start, before they grow and fester into far worse situations. Stop laying blame on your significant other, especially for the things that happen to you due to your own ignorance of the consequences of your actions. Often we blame another for our own faults, frustrations, and emotional insecurities. It is done often by many, and is simply vanity or ego and a refusal to accept that we ourselves are to blame, making it an even worse offense to the other. Add in much detachment. Be detached from the things that you might be annoyed with or feel the urge to lay blame for as this will make it easier to learn to see a more full picture of all the things going on so that one gains a truer impression of what is really happening, on both sides and from both perspectives.

    When you make an error, acknowledge it and apologize. We all make multiple mistakes and this will continue to happen throughout our lives, literally on the part of each individual. Accept this as a fact and just get over the part that pride tries to play in it, then act accordingly each time it happens. Even make a habit of doing so. Another thing that can be done is to learn to laugh together. Humor can be an important facet to any relationship, but it can be quite an aid to creating a longstanding one which is to be desired in a marriage. Laughter is good medicine. So long as it isn't happening at anyone's expense and is good natured and involves both of you, it is probably a good thing in most cases. That of course, doesn't necessarily mean that it can't go the wrong way or off on a wrong tangent, but should that happen it is an excuse to try what I mentioned at the start of this paragraph. Admit the mistake and apologize and try not to do it again. The work is an investment in your own happiness as well as that of your spouse, and is also an investment in your love, so why not invest freely?

    The ECK works well within a marriage supposing that the two individuals are able to work together and treat each other fairly and with love, even if at times it might not seem to be that way. When karma exists on the books, it simply MUST be worked out, so how easily or roughly that process is as it unfolds depends upon the individuals concerned. It can be as easy or as harsh as two people decide to make it be. That makes the choice your own. IT is the way you make it be. That can go in any direction that the people concerned choose to take it, whether mellow and balanced, or harsh and extreme. It is well worth knowing and paying attention to. Your choices determine the outcomes, so choose wisely or learn the hard way.

   Eckankar is not necessarily any better regarding marriage than any other religion is. All religions have their good, bad, and ugly married people. The best that Eckankar can do is to bring two people in a faster way to a balanced state. In most cases that takes some work to accomplish, because people are usually less than honest with themselves, much less with their spouse. In the end we each determine how things will happen as well as how much fun or not we will have in doing a thing. That personal responsibility for the choices made and the effects they bring can never be avoided. It is always present. The rough edges of the personal imperfections that each person has are inevitably ground to dust until that edge becomes smooth as silk and creates no friction or resistance. Then the conflicts become less.

     So, a person must choose how they want their life to be, and their marriage as well, and then consistently act accordingly. That is no small task, but nothing less will ever bring a married couple into a state of being that is both pleasant and favorable to each. The work must be done, and regardless of the way two attempt to weave their way through the course of their lives, that work will happen. But that is fine because the reward of a life with much less disagreement or conflict is in itself not the worst of things. Beyond that there is a great degree of spiritual freedom available, as well as a harmonious and pleasant marriage where love can not only exist, but shine ever more brightly than before. Do the work, clear out the toils and troubles, the disagreements and conflicts. Learn to admit when you're wrong and be unafraid to apologize for it. Enhance the experience of marriage and bring about a greater degree of love, refinement, and harmony than you ever thought possible. These qualities exist for those strong enough to achieve them.

     Try, and continue trying. Do not give up or settle for less. If you truly love, then let your love strengthen you and keep you, and let it not allow the will to overpower things. All things in balance. Be not discouraged by those times when a challenge confronts your marriage. Instead, deem it worthy enough to rise to meet the challenge head on, lifted by the wings of love because love does indeed come from the Absolute. Makes yours worthy of being given to IT as well as your partner, because love has room for all things and it shines its Light out into the darkness, into Eternity, enabling one to see what lies beyond the greatest distances. The truest and most noble Self would accept nothing less, so give the same to your significant other as you walk side by side, hand in hand, into the Eternal. Don't you both deserve at least that much? You may find considerably more than that too.

   
   
1 - https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VII/VII_31.htm
2 - https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VII/VII_9.htm
3 - Cloak Of Consciousness - Harold Klemp p. 81-2
4 - Illuminated Way Letters 1966 - 1971 © 1981 Eckankar - Paul Twitchell - The 5 Passions and 5 Virtues Of The Mind - ©2012 Matt Sharpe